got your back

I am sixteen going on seventeen. 

Let me start off by saying I pondered quite hard over the lyrics for this post. I forgot when I started doing it but one fine day, I decided to quote lyrics for each post and it stuck with me ever since. For me, it's an essential part of a post unless I don't feel like it or it's a piece of writing, in which I usually do not quote then. Sometimes I do quotes from characters or things like that but for the most part, it's lyrics.

The lyrics actually kind of set the mood of my post and is a slight, sometimes inaccurate, indication of what I would like to say or express. I do believe when all else fails and the emotions you feel cannot be arranged by the words you know, music sings them right out. It's more than the lyrics- also about the sound, the feel, the feelings you get when you listen to it.

As you can see, I finally decided on "Sixteen Going On Seventeen", which is one of my favorite numbers from The Sound of Music, a classic movie.

There were a lot of songs I would have quoted from but I decided that it's enough to play the mature and realistic card for a bit. I meant the words I said but it's too much to go being so practical and rigid all the time. As you may know, I love laughing and smiling although it's a little odd because I do claim I'm sad, so being serious all the time is both a chore and a bore.

I just wanted to explain, a little in detail, about my previous post.

The backbone of it started with just two scenes in my head, the one about fingers down the back and the one about regrets crumpling away. From there, I build on it, conjuring it up as I go along. I suppose this is a piece about anatomy exploration but just a brief once over instead of anything much deeper.

I really love writing abstract pieces like those but it's a poor imitation of the real deal. I was inspired by a writer on deviantart to try my hand at writing like that. It's strange but lovely at the same time. Of course, her work is much, much, much better than my amateurish attempts. At the moment, she pretty much locked her account because plagiarism is at large and because she felt that she's not improving or gaining anything by staying in deviantart.

It's sad how a lot of my favorite artists and writers are leaving the internet or progressing, moving from websites they used to frequent. Ah, well. I would be devastated if my work were copied, I guess. I don't really understand why people do it but I suppose it's a thing where you want something you don't have. To bask in someone else's light because you have none of your own.

The thing is, I spent this holiday doing pretty much nothing, although I set off with great ambitions.

That's nothing new. In fact, it happened for various holidays prior to this one. However, there is one startling and distinct difference, which is simply this- I don't feel anything particular about it. In the past, I would be really upset by my lack of effort, the fact I did not manage to complete what I said I would. Yet this time, I'm just okay with it. I don't regret anything, which is really strange to me.

I'm not disgusted by myself and I'm not berating myself over it, calling myself names and just being a drama queen about it. I feel so strange that I'm feeling this way!

Anyhow, I'm not obnoxious enough to consider this a sign of my maturing- in fact, I would say it's more of the fact that I'm used to it already. I might be wrong, of course. Haha. I think it's more of the fact I decided to take things easy and realize that I might not be anything more than average though. It's very liberating, so far, this way of thinking.

That's what inspired the bit about regrets crumpling. I feel as though as I hold on to my regrets, they fall through my fingers like dust and spiral to the ground in the light wind. I would not be able to hold them up again in their entirety because they have fallen apart and no longer root themselves in my consciousness or thinking. I always find it so hard to let things go but it seems that this time, I succeeded, by some curious change.

My sister and I went swimming today. I won't say swimming is second nature to me- I'm just not at that level and I may never be because I'm pretty dang lazy. Haha. But I really do enjoy it. Seriously though, the only stroke I can do decently is freestyle and I'm not even that good at it. Despite reminding myself it's not a competition every few seconds, I still can't help but be influenced by the people around me and treating it like one.

It's just me. I'm really competitive by nature, I think, but I don't really show it. I mean, you'll have to actually ask me about it for me to reveal it to you because I don't look like I'm competitive at all. It's super weird because I expect to be able to compare with other people while not trying at all. Laughable, ain't it? One of those odd things about me, I guess.

Anyway, about swimming- freestyle is the best because I keep my head down and I don't see anyone else. It's just me moving in the water, watching the light play across the tiles; the shapes spreading over the floor. I would say swimming is therapeutic to me.

Speaking of swimming, I'm pretty much determined to join a sport in JC. Just because I want to. Haha. I would love to learn how to beat someone up- in other words, learn some martial arts or something. Not that I'm going to go around throwing punches but I truly believe having this kind of knowledge makes you superior in situations which requires physical violence. You know, if you ever get caught in them.

However, I think I'm going to do some weird sport. Haha. Ugh, I was walking by the other day and woah, the swimmers' bodies are really nice. I definitely pale in comparison but I'm not self conscious enough to let that deter me. It'll probably be depressing to go swimming with them though. As it is, swimming is the only sport I can do decently at.

I don't really feel like starting from scratch, to learn something that requires lots of gear or whatever. By the way, this is random but Acjc has a lot of weird clubs... Like, what? That exists? Haha.

I'll see how it goes but I'm pretty much set on a sport, I suppose. Just depends which one. I'm kind of interested to learn tennis -most likely because of all Prince of Tennis when I was growing up- but I'm worried about how much the racket would cost and I'm pretty sure that I won't have any chance to play it after I graduate. So yeah. Hmm.

This is a pretty crap post but ah, well. I need some of these every once in a while.

Hmm. Watched the latest episode of both New Girl and Glee- they're the only shows I keep up with by myself. I pretty much gave up on The O.C. and Gossip Girl. Way too much drama- they're the kind of shows I just want to pop their dvds in and laze watching them. Loading them and watching them on the computer screen is unbearable after a while, somehow.

Santana is so dang sexy! Haha. Naya! I don't really like how they're like, making her character try too hard now, to show she's still in the game and that she's always going to be mean. Pfft. But I guess that's an essential part of her character- that need to have a leg up as compared to the rest of the world. Sigh. I like how she's getting part of the spotlight but I feel kind of sad people like Brittany and Tina are probably never going to get their fair share of it. Ah, well.

New Girl! Oh, Jess. Haha. I love the douchebag jar. Everyone should have one! This episode seems more like a filler kind of episode? Hmm. It's not too bad, I think. Just nothing much to say about it. The only part I loved was at the end, where Schmidt just kept saying stuff and depositing his money into the jar. Haha. By the way, twenty nine seems so old to me. Being sixteen is old already, to me. Sigh.

I guess that's another reason I settled on the song quote for this post- to remind myself I'm still really young and I still do, actually, have time to do what I want to and just enjoy myself. :) Only sixteen, yeah.

Gah.

Will want to complete Hunger Games soon. Okay.

That's all.