thrown away

I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive.

To start off, I would like to say that I'm always surprised when someone tells me, "I read your blog." or "Yeah, I know, I read your blog." or basically anything along those lines. I know I do have people reading it- I mean, I can clearly see the page views and while they might not be a lot, they're definitely more than I can achieve, even though I click "view blog" quite often.

I spell check every post after I post them and then edit them to correct the mistakes I made. Of course, I do miss some sometimes but for the most part, I try to make it as coherent and exact as possible. It's funny sometimes because even though I know what I want to write (on the rare occasions I plan out my posts but mostly what that's in my head...), it comes out as something else.

For example, if I wanted to say "The fish is very big" but I end up typing "The fish is very bog" or I substitute words that don't make sense, which I need to correct- I can't think of any examples at the moment which I actually made but it's like typing "love" when I meant "laugh" instead. Two quite different words that cannot be used in place of the other. Things like that. Silly mistakes that I prefer people not see me make...

By the way, my friend, Wan Ling, was being annoying and she claimed I still don't know anything about L1R5 because Chinese cannot be used for it. There. I corrected the previous post already, but I'll admit to my error. That little thing slipped my mind there. Sorry. I was insulted when she said I still don't know anything about L1R5!

I've come a long, long, long way from the ignorant child I once was. Definitely, I'm still light years off from being anywhere near knowledge or prepared but it's an improvement that I don't seem to not know anything at all now. Seriously.

Anyway, about people reading my blog, I'm always like, "YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT LITTLE OLD ME!! YOU READ WHAT I'M BLABBERING!" and break down into a mess of emotions. Haha. Of course, it's all inwardly, so all you'll see is probably my eyes blinking/looking at you weirdly and saying, "Oh". I just feel very warmed that some people actually take interest in what's happening in my life and wants to know the drama queen I am.

By the way, since we're on the topic of blogs, I haven't really seen a blog I like in a long, long while. By blog, I do mean all words and no pictures or if so, then every once in a long, long, long while. Basically, mostly text. I mean, I loved Jiayi's blog because she's so funny and she has this amazing sense of humor that works because of her wit and sarcasm. Jerlene's blog was hilarious because Jerlene is the kind of person who doesn't know she's funny but the whole world roars in laughter when she does or says something.

I did have blogs that I liked but I can't remember them off the top of my head and honestly, I'm lazy to read blogs unless they interest me a lot. Most of the blogs I've seen are... boring. I mean, I think mine is too, especially if you don't know me. I think that if you know me, it probably be a little cool to see a different side of me, I suppose. (AND KNOW ALL MY DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRETS-)

I'm in one of those weird moods now, so don't mind me.

Just wanted to say I had a very satisfying day. I'm not going into details because I am wary about who reads this blog. Yes, I know I probably did say I would blog what I want but sometimes, I just want no one to know what I'm talking about. With this blog, it's quite impossible. Haha. That's why I have a tumblr, you see.

By the way, I'm tired of people saying, "Don't judge me" or whatever. It's stupid. I made this whole rant on tumblr about the line "You don't know me" because it's more relevant there than in every day life but "Don't judge me" definitely belongs here.

Hell, I probably said it before but now I think about it, it's such a ridiculous line.

I mean, people judge people all the time, even unknowingly, unconsciously, especially when you form assumptions about that person and all those misconceptions. That must come from somewhere. Okay, according to dictionary.cambridge.org, the definition of judge is this, "to form, give or have as an opinion, or to decide about something or someone, especially after thinking carefully".

Hmm, I guess the last bit is not applicable to most people.

You always judge people. I know I do, just that I usually keep it to myself because I firmly believe that you shouldn't be mean unless the person needs to know about it. I won't tell anyone that I don't find them attractive at all because it's not even their fault they're not visually appealing and it's not something they can change naturally. What do you want them to do? Go get plastic surgery so you can compliment them? Be real.

I definitely will tell someone about their character flaws all in the name of helping because those people get on my nerves and should be told about it. Of course I'll tell someone she's being a bossy, snobby bitch and that she should tone it down before everyone spits in her face. Well, I won't word it that way but you get my point. Usually, it happens when two people are friends. If that girl was a random stranger or an acquaintance, I'll just roll my eyes, unless she is in my group for a project or something. (Hell yeah I'm selfish! Why should I get involved in something that doesn't involve me? That's asking for trouble.)

Yeah, I'm definitely that annoying kid that has to tell everyone everything. Haha. Being straight forward is one of my mottos in life. (By now, I have a lot and I don't keep track but yeah, that's one of them.)

I don't think that people should be dictated based on a single image or a single line or a single action. It's the general impression you get of them, the things you know they've done and the person you always knew. I won't get disgusted and hate my friend just because she posted a photo of her kissing another girl when she was drunk.

Or if my male friend decided to wear an ugly costume that blinds the eyes, I won't say, "It's ugly and I don't want to be your friend anymore.",  I'll probably say, "DUDE! What were you thinking! Hahaha!"

...Okay, bad examples but you know what I mean. I don't think it's fair to form an opinion of a person through one incident or hearsay or what they've done. While having that in mind, you should still be open to the fluctuations in their character, words and actions.

And, this is the part where the "BUT!" comes in. I do judge and form opinions of people based on one thing,  one incident or one action they did before. Haha. Yes, I'm no saint and I do things I (more or less) preach against. I mean, I still don't like Kanye West because of the thing he did to Taylor Swift, although he's probably not as bad as I think he is, if I could only give him a chance.

I'm pretty sure there's an unofficial rule book to life but the point is to not follow it because only then will you enjoy yourself.

...The whole reason why I brought the "Don't judge me" up is because when someone does say it, I usually judge them all the more. Haha. Usually in my head though. I always felt like that statement was an admission to shame in what you have done or are doing, which is why you're asking for forgiveness in a very veiled way. Like, "Please! I'm still the same person, it's just that I did this or I am doing this..."

Pfft. I don't believe people can stay the same. Well. I think I explained it once before but ah, well. Won't go into details.

This is obviously not a post I planned beforehand because it's kinda messy. Seldom are the posts that are planed beforehand. I just blabber on and on, most of the time... This post started with me obsessing over the fact I have an extravagant reaction in my head when people acknowledge the fact they read my blog personally to me. It makes me feel happy in weird, strange ways.

I can tell you the education post was planned- the one where I talked about my results and all that. Usually, I try to make my posts long because I like them like that and I feel like being mean to anyone who bothers to filter through my words. Heh. There's like, one important thing in every twenty things. My friend said she didn't really like my blog because I usually just blabber on and on about one thing. Well, that pretty much summarizes my blog quite well.

So there.

I sort of revealed how I blogged in this post, so it wasn't a total waste of time or aimless post.

Now, how ironic it would be if this post had a spelling error or something like that. Hahahaha. It'll probably be funny to me. I'm still going to read through this, of course.

Okay.

That's it.