the truth about forever

This year will be no different from any of the others. You can make all the resolutions and promises you want but at the end, they will fall away from your finger tips like love seeping from a broken heart. You can make all the comparisons you want but by the end of December, you will be no different from the start of January. You can wish and want but your desire and hopes crush in the passing of days, too feeble to ignite once more. As the clocks draw out their ticks, you will soon begin to forget the blaze you once had, you will soon come to forget the hatred you harbor for yourself. The very person you want to shove a knife into, a punch in the gut, a bullet through the head, is the same one you begin to forget and leave to rot. All the little things that were once seared into your lips crumble like dead flies and twitch as though they would come alive once more. Your name had been dragged through mud, drowned in the sea and left in a uninhabited forest to die. You want, so badly, to take off and never come back but you cannot. The chains that bind you down clank around your ankles and the memories pin you down. The days you want to take a blade and slash down your shoulder blades to let the wings you know are beneath blossom slowly wither away in insanity. There is nothing wrong but perhaps there is nothing right in the first place. The words you have said so many times before sour on your tongue and though you long to spit them out, you swallow instead. Stop the hunching of your shoulders and push them back instead. Stand up tall and straight for another day. Perhaps everything will stay the same, like it had for so long now. Maybe nothing will change at all. This year may give way to another year that will be like the previous ones once more. Forever is not definite. The possibility of change keeps it from being so. Therefore, the years can transform and become anything you hope it to be. The years can keep tumbling in an endless cycle or it can be as irregular as a heartbeat when it encounters romance. When you lose everything, keep holding on to that chance- that possibility that everything will not be what it should be. That possibility that exists because when you put your hand over your heart, there is a strong, steady pulse that answers the call of your palm.